A.N. - Not a One Shot, not a real FanFic...it's a MiniFF! I take claim to this name, BTW. Anyway, it's based off real events, just totally fictionalized for your FF-viewing pleasure. Detective stories rock, anyway. Enjoy!


As night fades in, the moon shining brightly from my bedroom window, I am struck with inspiration and new energy to write my story for the week. It’s my weekly memoirs, as you might say, the tales of my life needing to be captured for those to somewhat enjoy, if they may. After the week I had, I believe this is a story that needs to be told, even if it has to be by me. My name is Robyn Watson, Associate of Holmes and Watson. I work with my friend and colleague, Ashley Holmes. Together, we solve mysteries, investigate things, and overall solve crimes. It’s what we do, and we do it well. This week was no different…well, for the most part.


It all started on a Monday afternoon, me on the computer and researching information…or playing solitaire, according to who you listen, when a frantic bang on the door was heard.
“Watson!” Ashley said, sitting at her desk, giving me a look. “Since you’re not doing much, can you get that?” I gave her a glare and walked up to the door, opening it to a frantic Guy Ripley, his hair more disheveled than I ever saw it before. He was usually impeccably groomed, his hair slicked and his pocket square stiff and straight. However, he looked nervous and worried. Well, he tended to look that way when he was around women in general, but this look was different in a way. It looked like concern mixed with surprise, actually. As I let him pass through the door, Ashley set down a seat for him across her desk. She was previously using it for resting her foot, which she fell on due to black ice. She was a trooper, that Ashley was.


“So, Mr. Ripley, our favorite informant, what do you have for us today?” she said as I closed the door and sat down on her desk. She hated it, but it was a habit, like hers’ with MySpace. As he sat there, looking at us, he wringed his hands together, looking around.
“Mr. Ripley, you are safe…like I always tell you.” I reassured him, sighing slightly. He looked around one more time before speaking.
“Ms. Holmes, Ms. Watson, do you know of those who call themselves The Click Five?” We both nodded. We knew them, their music, mostly. They were talented lads; that I would admit flat out. Attractive, too…especially that guitar player, but as an engaged woman, I shouldn’t think these things anymore. Andy wouldn’t be pleased.
“Well, then, you must know about the situations they put themselves in recently. It’s quiet bad. Stupid, even.” He said in his British accent.
“Mr. Ripley, we do not use that word here, thank you very much. We can’t assume the deeds they were part of were…stupid.” Ashley said, adjusting her glasses. He shook his head furiously in disagreement.
“But Ms. Holmes, you must understand. Once I tell you what I know, you’ll agree with me. This is extraordinary information I have.” He told her, as she rolled her eyes. I gave Ashley a look. She was so stubborn at times.
“Ashley, let him tell us what he knows. It might be useful…for once.” I told her, flipping my bangs off my eyes. She sighed, slinking down a bit in her chair. As Guy sat there, looking at a picture of a deer that was hung nearby, I just stared Ashley down. Sometimes, she needed me to make a good decision. She sighed again, looking at me before turning to Guy.
“What do you know?” she simply said.


By the end of the meeting, when Guy gave us a slight bow and left our office, we knew what was going on, and we were dismayed. What these gentlemen – and I’m using that loosely – were doing was, in a word, insane. It had to be handled, and it had to be handled, one by one. Fortunately, before we could even look up the crimes they did in more detail, there was a phone call. Grabbing my Blackberry from my desk, I answered.
“Holmes and Watson Investigations, Robyn speaking.” I said in my official manner.
“Robyn, it’s me. We have a situation I believe you guys can assist with. It’s pretty…odd.” My old friend, Niki said over the phone. She was chief of the FPD – Fashion Police Department. Knowing her well, I knew when she needed us and didn’t want to do it herself, it was pretty bad. I turned to Ashley, saying,
“We got a case, dude.” She just nodded, slowly getting up and grabbing her cell phone.
“So, where and who?” I asked Niki, starting to grab my bag from the floor. It was the one they called Benjamin in his apartment. It was a Clicker. We had our first lead.


Rushing over there in Ashley’s Prius, I looked outside, letting the world pass me by from my passenger seat. It was the only sense of calm I had for the rest of the day, I knew, because it was bound to be hectic very soon. We stopped at a brownstone near a pizzeria, yellow tape sectioning off the apartment building from the sidewalk and the wondering public. Getting out of the car, we saw Niki there with her police force, folding her arms.
“Guys, let’s go. We need to get him in custody right away.” She said, leading us under the yellow tape and taking us upstairs to apartment 3G. We stood back as she knocked the door, waiting as a blond haired male opened it slightly, his blue eyes looking around to the sight of all of us.
“Yes?” he said in a muffled voice, confused. Niki pushed the door open, making us see he had a scarf on, covering his mouth. Ashley nodded to me to write it in my Blackberry, as the police moved into the apartment, us trialing behind.
“Sir, we need to ask you a few questions. Can you take off your scarf?” Niki asked, as her troop searched around.
“Benny, what’s going on?” a young woman asked, walking in from the hallway.
“It’s nothing, honey.” He said, his voice muffled again.
“Take off the scarf, sir. I can’t talk to you like this, anyway….plus, where did you get it? I wanna see.” Niki said, tugging on an end of the scarf. He held on to the other end, clinging onto it like a safety blanket. It was a tug-of-war of sorts, until his face went red and he let go, loosing the scarf, just in time for Niki to pull it off to see why we were here. It was a beard, but not an ordinary beard. It was burly and thick. He looked like a lumberjack, in my opinion.
“Holy shit, that’s bad.” Niki said, shaking her head at this.
“Oh, my.” Ashley said simply, looking a little surprised herself. I just covered my eyes a bit, not wanting to look at him.
“Sir, you’re under arrest for desecration of facial hair, destruction of good looks, and falsifying age by fashion/grooming.” Niki said, starting to turn him around.
“Hey! Who the hell are you guys, anyway? It’s my style. I can do whatever I want to my face.” He claimed. Niki quickly flashed a badge.
“Fashion Police, bitch. Now turn around before we use the sticks.” She said, flipping him around quickly. “Ladies, search the premises. We may need some proof. Look for lumberjack magazines and Burly paper towels.” As the police went off to look for proof and Niki took Ben off, we went to the young lady still in the room, not speaking.
“Ma’am, I’m Ashley Holmes. This is Robyn Watson, my colleague. We just want to talk for a few minutes, if you don’t mind.” Ash said, leading her to a couch.
“I’m Juli. What do you need to know?”
“How do you know Ben? Girlfriend, wife? Sister?”
“Ew, sister? We don’t look alike! Anyway, he’s my boyfriend…although, he doesn’t look like one right now, as you could see.” She said, sighing softly.
“You didn’t run after him or yell at him that you’ll bring bail money…why?” Ashley asked, fixing her glasses as I wrote down everything on my Blackberry.
“Uh…I was confused. Really. Fashion Police? I thought that was just an E! Channel thing.” She said, scratching her head.
“Well, they are very much real, and very much taking your boyfriend in custody. Now, do you want to tell us why he grew the beard?”
“Uh…I don’t know! When he has an idea, you can’t stop him…no matter how bad you want to. That was why I started dating him in the first place…he didn’t stop until he got me.” She said, starting to blush.
“Are you sure?” Ashley prodded.
“Yes. Ben’s odd like that…that’s why I love him…even with this on his face.” Juli said, shaking her head. I passed her our card and we left the crime scene, seeing our old friend Guy Ripley interviewing Niki for BBC World News. We dashed off before he could try to talk to us.

“Robyn, what did you think about that Juli girl? She seemed…confused.” Ashley said, back at our office.
“Well, her boyfriend just got arrested for looking like a mountain man, so, of course she was confused, Holmes.” I responded, turning on the TV.
“Fine, fine. I deserved that. However, I think she’s hiding something…covering for him and his situation. Any woman who doesn’t go try to stop the police from arresting her man makes me suspicious.” She said, fixing her glasses.
“Oh…my…look at this, Ash!” I said quickly, spotting Guy’s report on BBC World News. Turning it up, there he was, as charming and British as his on-camera persona asked for.

“I’m Guy Ripley for BBC World News, outside the apartment building of one of the members of the world-famous…oh, not world-famous…just in Asia and some of the United States? OK…I’m outside the apartment building of one of the members of the Asian and American – famous band, The Click Five, after he was arrested for fashion crimes. We’re here with Chief Niki White, member of the FPD. Chief White, why was this man taken under custody?”
“Plain and simple, the facial hair situation was enough to get him on these charges. It had to be done. It was endangering hotness as we know it…he used to be so cute, too…shame. It was for his own good.” Niki said on screen, shaking her head.
“Thank you for speaking to us, Chief. And may I say you look smashing.” He said with a grin.
“Oh…thanks.” She said, flattered.
“Delicious. I’m Guy Ripley for BBC World News. Back to you in the studio.” He said, before I turned it off.
“One down….four to go, it seems, dear Watson.” Ashley said, folding her hands on the desk. How true it was. This was just the beginning.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: OhSoGoddessLike,

That rules

Dude, that was brilliant!

Attractive, too…especially that guitar player, but as an engaged woman, I shouldn’t think these things anymore. Andy wouldn’t be pleased.
Haha, Andy understands. I can look....

It was the one they called Benjamin in his apartment. It was a Clicker. We had our first lead.
(to the tune of "We're Off to See the Wizard")We're off to arrest Ben, the burly lumberjack!

Fashion Police, bitch. Now turn around before we use the sticks.
I love that line. "Fashion Police, bitch!"

I’m Guy Ripley for BBC World News, outside the apartment building of one of the members of the world-famous…oh, not world-famous…just in Asia and some of the United States? OK…I’m outside the apartment building of one of the members of the Asian and American – famous band, The Click Five, after he was arrested for fashion crimes.
Hahaha, loved the "not world-famous…just in Asia and some of the United States" bit, it's so true.

Chief Niki White Haha, Niki's happy.

GREAT JOB, DUDE. Seriously, this was hilarious. We need to make this a movie, like those old Dick Tracy movies from the 1940s; the whole black and white thing would be awesome.

wow.

that was amazing!! <3

hahahahaha

love it.can't wait for more.

bump

I heart this dani! can't wait for more! I better be with Ethan! jkjkjk

Hahahahaha, Niki White? Dear, you make my life so much.

But this was incredibly adorable and I can't wait for the rest!
Hahah, seriously doll, you make me so happy.