Confused. Really really confused.
Man, of all the people to go to...

at some point of your life you try to look forward, be positive, and tell yourself that the people who matter will eventually come back to you.

i'm looking forward, but i see no positivity and i've never felt more lost

I confess I haven't confessed in a long, long, long time.

It's strange that this thread somehow gets you to reveal everything you're feeling so easily. Therapy!

Anyway,
I want my mom to be happy. I don't want her to continue rotting away in this dead-end life she has. If things could be different, my mom would be divorced from my dad, and even though that would be worse for us, it'd be better for her.

It's harsh, I know. But it's not fair for her to have to put up with all this shit.

Lately,
I've felt like curling up beneath my desk, and hugging my knees, because I feel like that's the only way I can protect myself. From all the sadness in this world.

Two nights ago,
I had a dream. I ran away from home. With a boy. Who was very cute. But we got caught at the gates, and I was dragged back to my prison. It made me realize that I want to run away from home.

I want to pack up and live somewhere else, apart from my family. If I could only get a job that pays, then I could say I was independent enough to do it.

Funny. The thought of running away from home has been circling in my head since I was ten years old. All my plans and scenarios for doing it have ranged between climbing down from my room's balcony, to putting my stuff into a backpack, and riding off on my bicycle.

Of, course, I have no such guts to do so in real life.

But it was something I'd think about doing in the quiet of the night; I'd see myself getting out of bed, and creeping downstairs. But then I'd fall asleep - and the next morning, I'd forget everything.

please, god, please, save her. please.

I just ordered my own Christmas presents. Thats no fun.

i honestly don't wanna hear about your ex.
okay. thanks.

two words to end a life.
enough said, thats it.
I'm sedated as fuck
depressed.
I'm done.

and i'm still not sure. why can't i just assert my feelings without caring about what you're thinking? oh yeah, because you're a prick, and you will be. ugh.

i dont get why his parents dont trust us..tbh, its been 14 months on friday and we cant even be at your house alone even when your older brother is there. its either they dont trust you, or..its me.

obviously i don't mean much to you, even though i probably care about you more.

i'm hurt.